My agent-sister, Lisa DesRochers, nominated this blog for an award, the Scrap Heap Award. No, wait. Was it the Honest Crap Award? Something like that. As you may be aware, I refuse to post anything on this blog other than text. In my opinion, I’m one cut and paste away from putting pictures of my six-year-old’s birthday parties or revealing photos of Taylor Lautner in here. (Nobody wants to see those, right? So… you didn’t just click through that link to Mr. Werewolf Hotness? Thought so.) Since the only people who read this thing with any regularity are my parents, husband, and Google strangers, I decided a few months back that discretion is the better part of valor. So, words are it for me.

Still, in the spirit of the thing, to earn my Honest Scrap Award, I will now provide you, Avid Readers, with ten true facts about me. My Meme, as it were.

1. I type with five fingers. Three on one hand, two on the other. This would be heroic if I had lost the others putting out a raging fire in an orphanage or something, but no. I just never learned to type. Thanks, Mom. You were right. I’ll never have to be a secretary now. Great advice, that.

2. One of my first jobs (when I was 11) was to read to a blind woman. She had me read Albert Schweitzer, and she taught me how to pronounce the word pirogue. I thought she was extremely cool, and I had fantasies about being a competent, funny, blind octogenarian myself someday.

3. But I went mostly blind at 13 instead. I wore Coke-bottle glasses for two years, until I was old enough to babysit and earn money for contacs.

4. I was a huge nerd in middle school. My winter coat in eighth grade earned me the nickname: The Fonz.

5. I was NOT a nerd in high school. Armed with my new contacs, some nice clothes, a new set of decent-sized boobs, and a deep, overriding desire to hide my intelligence from everyone, I embarked on my career as a dance team girl. Three years of smiling inanely, and doing the splits every single day.

6. In college, I dated a guy who was, among other things, a pool hustler. Once I had to rescue him from the pool sharks at the UT Student Union, who were offering to break his fingers in exchange for the (nonexistent) money he had bet on a game. This was the first time I ever used an ATM. Probably why I hate ATMs so much: bad memories.

7. I am (sometimes) cheap. I clip coupons, buy my clothes at thrift stores, and send my kids to school in hand-me-downs. But I don’t cheap out on vacations. June? Disneyworld, people. The Polynesian Hotel, concierge level. I’ll be the one with the pina colada, who doesn’t know or care where her kids are.

8. I am a registered Scuba diver (advanced level). Fave dive: Cayman Islands, North Trench. I have no fear of sharks.

9. I was scouted for singing talent in fifth grade (I was Annie in the school musical). I ended up cutting some demos, making hundreds of dollars (which made me feel like Richie Rich for a few weeks), and I can still sing the lyrics of the songs.  (You know you like to eat and drink the sweetest things around. You’ve earned a reputation, for the sweetest tooth in town… Yeah. Classic, mega hits.)

10. The first poem I wrote that was published (in the local paper)  was about the Trojan war. I was 9, and had just read the Odyssey and Edith Hamilton’s Mythology. In honor of my next published poem (coming in December), I will post my first one here. Keep your eyes open, folks.

Hey! That was fun, and cheaper than therapy. And you’re still reading! Thanks, honey.(I’m thinking only my husband got this far, right?)

BTW, I sold another puppet play last week. So, yay!