Pickled Pig Feet
Writer Friends, I need your help. I signed up for a humor writing workshop led by Mary Jo Pehl for this coming Saturday. The only requirement she had for all of the attendees was that we do something new, something we had never done before, in advance. And, of course, take notes.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit I’ve lived a full life. If I wanted to do it — or thought I might — I went ahead. So, while I have no regrets over missed chances, there’s also not a lot left to try. (Well, not a lot that I’m *willing* to try.) But last year, I was writing a novel that had a character doing something I had never done – something I could do. I didn’t do it, but I could have. It wasn’t a big deal. What was it, you ask? Simple. Eat a pickled pig’s foot.
So… that’s why I quit writing that book. I just couldn’t stomach the research angle. But I figured I could do it this year, for the workshop. I’m a big girl, right? I can handle a little bit of bright pink, hacked-off stringy, brined pork with a hoof for a handle.
Sorry. My inner vegetarian is NOT letting me do this horrible thing. So I have to come up with something, anything, else. Fast.
The only other thing I can come up with – that doesn’t involve possible jail time or a need for a blood test — is skinny-dipping at the infamous Austin nude beach, Hippie Hollow.
Please don’t make me show my dimples to a bunch of old freaks this week. Help me come up with something new to do.
Suggestions?
07/05/2010 at 12:35 pm
Ah, pigs feet! One of my father’s favorite foods that plagued my childhood! But if you don’t like those, you wouldn’t like any of my other food suggestions.
You have chickens, right? Have you ever shampooed one and dried it with a hair dryer? Loads of laughs there!
Paint a cat’s toenails.
Get a leash, a big unruly dog and a skateboard. Go to town!
Oh, here’s food suggestion that won’t offend your inner vegetarian; make homemade marshmallows. That’s a treat.
Have fun!
07/11/2010 at 9:32 pm
Vonna – I was so disturbed by your suggestion to shampoo my chickens. What kind of childhood did you have? LOL Thanks for the input.
07/06/2010 at 9:41 pm
Oooh, what can we make Nikki do? Hmmm… Actually, I think you should go to the mall, walk into Hot Topic and start gathering up outfits to try on. And, yes, you should actually try them on. This is good research for a number of reasons: 1. Some of the kids reading upper midgrade actually shop there so it will put you in touch with your audience. 2. You could probably milk some serious humor out of describing how to put on a pair of neon pink skinny jeans (or lime green fishnet stockings)in a 4×4 dressing room. 3. If that humor doesn’t get you far enough, you can write about the salesgirl who helps you when you ask her to run out and find you another size in that plaid miniskirt with 72 zippers on it. And you should ask her to bring you other sizes, over and over again, until you force her to show emotion. Or her surgically-implanted vampire fangs. Whatever.
Think about it. When the pierced-face sales girl asks if the clothes are really for you, you could deadpan such a great comeback. I say the heck with your inner hillbilly!Channel your inner middle school goth chick. And take pictures!
OR you could take a gallon jar of pickled pigs feet into Hot Topic and ask little Vampira to try it for you. ???
07/11/2010 at 9:33 pm
Shelli – you are, as always, hilarious. But shopping at Hot Topic MIGHT have been worse than what I did. No, wait. Not possible.
07/11/2010 at 4:14 am
Eeww! Prior to opening your blog, I saw on Facebook that you did indeed try to eat/taste that foot. Your hero status just went way way up in my book. Can’t believe you did it! I have to hold back the vomit thinking about if you got a nibble of the hoof! Hope you get lots of mileage out of this one.
07/11/2010 at 9:34 pm
Yes. I did it. I may never be the same again, but I did it. I’ll blog about it after vacation… the trauma is just too fresh now… *sob*
07/11/2010 at 9:20 pm
So you really did it? I’m beyond impressed. Wow. And here I am, thinking I’m this fearless spirit because I howled at the moon. Hope you enjoyed your workshop.
07/11/2010 at 9:35 pm
Nan – fearless? Trust me, there was a whole lotta quaking going on. It was… indescribably awful. I’ll get gory later… vacation first. Hope your summer is going well!
07/16/2010 at 9:50 pm
Growing up, my parents, particularly my dad, would live by the phrase “can’t knock something until you’ve tried it.” I was allowed to refuse to eat anything, as long as I tried it first.
Dad has eaten snake, chocolate covered bugs, any number of disgusting things. And I’ve had some weird ones like frog and squid, but nothing to those extremes, and no pickled pigs’ feet. But their philosophy did prepare me to enjoy a wide range of wonderful ethnic foods.
Can’t wait to read the gory details. (Hey, stop by Facebook sometime. I just made a major announcement. No, not a book sale, but awesome, nonetheless!)